Embracing Family Time During the Holidays

In the past few years around the Christmas break, my wife and I have handled the holiday time with our children a little differently than this year. We had the kids in a full time day care and since the days were already paid for, we would keep them in for some of the time. Then we would take a family trip to Niagara Falls to enjoy an indoor water park and the famous lights. And the rest of the days were spent either celebrating holidays with family or doing some family activities. But this year, our twins are only in before and after school care and only three days of the break is care even offered. We decided to decline all these days and also to change or trip to Niagara Falls into a one-night cross border shopping excursion for just my wife and I at the beginning of the holiday. Thanks to my in-laws, the kids had some time away from us, and we had a much needed break from them. But the rest of the time we have embraced family time together, and have scheduled a wide variety of activities so that the kids will be entertained, and we can enjoy ourselves too. So far we have taken them to see a minor league hockey game (at the Air Canada Centre) and to see the movie Frozen. We have been skiing for the day twice (it is only an hour drive away) including once with another family, and also ice skating. And on another day we had an afternoon of playing scrabble. My parents joined us for an afternoon of games and Rainbow Loom and my in-laws took the entire family out for lunch. Tomorrow, we are planning to take the kids out to a pet store to purchase the fish and accessories that will go into their new fish tank (a Hanukkah gift). We have some tentative play dates arranged for this coming week, and hope to go sledding. We are really enjoying our family time together and I believe this is because rather than avoid or fret over spending the break with our children, we have largely embraced it. There have been a couple of times, we needed to separate them (see a previous blog entry for our approach) but twins require this, especially during a period of time that they see so much of each other. And we aren’t lamenting the fact that we have to spend almost the entire holiday at home and in the cold winter weather!

Tips for Road Trips with Young Twins

My wife and I have been planning and doing road trips with our twins since they were nine months old. That first trip to Niagara Falls was my bad idea, but it, at least, taught me a great deal about what you need to do, both to prepare for a road trip, and how to make it successful. These tips for both organizing and during a road trip should help make these summer family ventures more enjoyable.

 1. Plan ahead! Start off by making a list of everything you will be bringing. My wife not only does this, she checks off each item as it is packed, and if it is an annual or regular trip such as our family takes to the cottage, then she revises the list on her computer. She also highlights items that still need to be purchased. When our twins were very young, obviously things like diapers were on this list. The toys or travel games you will bring will likely change. And even the need for a stroller or a portable play apparatus will not be needed as the kids grow older. It is also important to be aware of things such as your children’s nap (if applicable) and bed times and try to plan travel around these as much as possible.

 2. Since you are driving, think of where you might stop to eat and/or for washroom breaks. A GPS, if you have one, may be able to help in this regard. Smart phones and tablets have apps that can find the nearest restaurant or gas station. My personal favourite travel app is “Timmy’s Me” which locates the nearest Tim Horton’s (a Canadian and northern US fast food and coffee chain) location and can even narrow the list down to the drive thru locations only. The AAA and CAA still offer map routes and flip chart style directions from any point in North America to another if you are a member.

 3. Strollers should be approached on a trip by trip basis. It really depends on a few factors. An important factor is how much you might use the stroller and for what purposes. One thing that you might not have thought about is how dependent or not your kids are on a stroller. And in certain situations, cost may also be a factor. We had a large, heavy, and expensive Mountain Buggy Urban Double and two small, cheap umbrella strollers. We rarely used the last two items. When we went to the cottage, the large double stroller was a must. We would take long walks in the countryside with it. We packed it into the back of our vehicle, on top of all our other luggage, and baby equipment. But when we travelled to Disney World when our twins were about to turn four, they didn’t want to be in a stroller anymore. After much debate, we took a chance and considered renting a double stroller at the parks at over $30 a day. But after testing the kids out by walking in the Magic Kingdom on day one, we never did rent a stroller on that trip. We sold the double stroller shortly afterwards.

 4. Have the kids help you pack their stuff as much as you can. When our twins were only two or three years old, we would get them to select a stuffed animal to bring along with a couple of other toys that would go in the suitcase. Our twins now help choose their clothes each day for school and so we let them choose some for when we are going away as well. They can also pick out such items as beach towels and pajamas. As I mentioned in an earlier tip, we also let them choose a DVD to bring, if we are bringing the portable player. The more they feel included in the packing, the fewer problems you will have when you are at your destination. This also gives them something to do rather than bother you while you are trying to pack up. You might also want to pack them a separate suitcase so you don’t have to rummage through your own clothes, to get their stuff out. This strategy further allows you to pack your own clothes and necessities at your convenience. Happy traveling!

School Separation Update

So it has been just over two months since our boy and girl started in a new school and in separate classrooms for grade one. At their previous school, they had been in the same class for two years of kindergarten. We thought that grade one was the year to separate them, but since they were moving to a new and larger school, we had requested they stay together for one more year. Instead, the school separated them, as apparently they do for all sets of twins. My son has three other twin children in his class, and some of their siblings are in my daughter’s class. At least they were placed in classes next door to each other that are connected by a pod area. They also happen to have gym class together. A teacher told us that at the class placement meetings, the teachers placed all the twins first because there are so many of them in the school! So how is it going so far? I will start with the only negative and finish with the positives. The homework schedule is a little confusing. The grade one teachers plan together so their programs are very similar but the homework is scheduled for different days for each of our children. This is due to the fact that each class has a different day to go to the library to exchange books, and this affects the scheduling of everything else. Not everything is done exactly the same way either, but as a teacher myself I wouldn’t expect this. Sometimes, to make our lives easier, we do the same homework together on the same day when it is possible and feasible. But this is a small inconvenience compared to the fact that they each seem to be doing well in their own classroom. They still walk together to and from school and spend about an hour each day in the before and after school care program, along with time spent at home. They can play together at recess and lunch if they choose, but usually don’t as they have, for the most part, separate groups of friends and different interests. This was the case even in kindergarten when they were in the same classroom. They also have the gym class together, and this has been, for the most part positive. There was one occasion of one twin tattle-tailing on the other, but there was also the time that when my son was hurt, he picked his sister to go with him to get an ice pack. And one day, when my son was off sick, I got a phone call to come get my daughter who was complaining of not feeling well. I believe she was a little ill, but I found it interesting that she complained to her teacher only during gym, which was probably a reminder of two things: her brother was away and she missed him...and he was probably at home watching movies! But clearly, despite not being in the same class together anymore, they still do find comfort in the other twin being there at school. But the thing that I think is best for both of them is that they aren’t being compared to each other, which isn’t really fair in the first. Our twins do not have to worry about being reported on, by each other, for minor transgressions in school that otherwise would never have come to our attention. Separation has been very good for our twins, but that was because it was the right time to do it, not because it would be the best for every set of twins.

Parent-Teacher Interviews for Twins

About a year ago, I was using an online scheduling program that our local elementary school was utilizing in order to book meetings with our twins’ senior kindergarten teacher. I chose two meeting times, back-to-back with the teacher, for each of our twins. A warning then came up on my computer screen suggesting that I should leave at least fifteen minutes in between appointments so that I would have adequate time to make it to the second one. My immediate reaction was that this computer program was not set up with twins in mind, despite this normally being sound advice. I ignored the suggestion and kept my two appointments, one right after the other.

Since both my wife and I are elementary teachers, we have been on the other side of the meeting table many times, looking into the faces of parents. But these interviews were our first opportunity to do so as a parent, particularly with boy and girl twins in the same class. Booking the interviews is probably the first thing that you will be doing. The best way to think about the interviews is to treat them as you would with any two siblings. Even if your children had the same French teacher, for example, you would still want each interview to be separate. And if your twins have the same teacher, be sure to book two separate times, even if they do back on to each other. Otherwise, always allow a few minutes to go from one interview to the next, because teachers do sometimes fall behind their schedule despite best intentions.

Each school will have its own set up for interviews, and some will include the child. It is not uncommon for chairs to be left out for the next set of parents and their child to sit and wait outside the classroom. If this is the case, then it is a good idea for your twins (or any other sibling) to bring a book to read, or a hand held video game console (on mute) and to wait outside the door. Take my word, along with other teachers, when we say that having any sibling in the interview is usually not a good idea. The brother or sister can be very distracting, and really should not be a party to the conversation between you, your child, and the teacher. If you must bring in the twin sibling, make it clear beforehand that each child is to read quietly and not get involved with the other twin’s interview.

If you are having back-to-back interviews with the same teacher, try to discuss each twin separately, and avoid comparisons. Treat the interviews as individual ones, just as you treat your twins as separate and unique people. I would suggest bringing your child’s report card with you and writing any questions you have on sticky notes located near the item you are asking about. The teacher may offer his or her own comparisons of your twins, and if he or she does, try to ignore them, and redirect the conversation back on the twin you are discussing. And, try to keep track of the time so that you can spend as equal an amount as possible on each of your twins’ scholastic issues. Hopefully, these tips will be helpful when it comes time to discuss each of your twin children’s educational progress.

Twins' Birthday Gift Etiquette

Recently, on the Parents of Twins Facebook group that I belong to, there was a question about whether when twins are invited to a birthday party for one child, should they bring one or two gifts. First of all, I found the entire discussion fascinating, so much so that I am writing this blog entry. What made it so interesting was how different the opinion was, and how passionate people seemed to be about what they felt the right thing to do is. I am not going to suggest that there is a right answer to this question, because there is not one. I will tell you what I think, but first I want to share some of the opinions of my fellow twin parents. There were a few who seemed to feel that it didn’t really matter because it provided you with two options. You could either bring two smaller gifts or one larger one. What I will throw in to the mix, is that you (and your twin children) need to be okay with receiving either one or two gifts when it is their birthday. One parent even suggested that the twins could decide but the value of the gift would always be the same, and as long as they stayed within the budget, it didn’t matter. I am not sure how this would work with our six year olds, because they have almost no concept of money yet, and how much things are worth or cost. At least one parent suggested that it depended on whether each twin got his or her own invitation or whether they got one together. Fair enough! Many parents argued that one gift from both was sufficient, but that they would have each twin make or send a card, I think this is a very nice idea, because it acknowledges that each child was invited separately. Some seemed to suggest that one party means one gift, but I don’t think it is as simple as that when two children are attending. The other problem that I see with one gift is that you would want to choose something that both children can and will want to share. My twins are not only a boy and a girl, but for the most part they have completely different interests. For one birthday, our children received only one gift, a really nice one, but it was very clearly only for my daughter. Now in fairness to the parents, they might have felt that my daughter was the invitee (which truthfully she was) and decided the gift should be for her. I guess that is another way to think about it, especially if you feel that both twins were invited because of only one of them, but I am not sure that my son understood it. My feeling on this issue is fairly simple. Two children are invited and attending and therefore each should bring a gift for the friend. For their birthday party, we hope that each of our kids will receive a gift (even if it might be a little smaller than normal) so that each feel that their birthday party is special even though it is shared. There is one other thing to consider in this situation. Send only one child. We have done this on a few occasions, and not just because only one child could attend. If only one of our twins is friends with the invitee, then we might send only him or her, especially if the other child has already attended a few by him or herself. In such a case, we would probably just send one gift from the attending child. I am not sure if my writing has solved anything, but it makes for an interesting discussion.

The Camp Test So Far

The first part of the camp separation test is done, and it was a huge success. First of all, the kids loved the camp! They did not spend much time together during the camp day, but did ride on the bus together. In fact, this particular camp creates a seating plan for the campers and so my son and daughter sat together both ways. They also usually saw each other at swim times, but were not in the same group for instructional swims. My daughter had one advantage to my son, as she had a friend in her cabin group. This had been prearranged once we knew the two would be attending camp at the same time. Unfortunately for my son, a class mate and friend of his did turn up at the camp, but since neither family knew the other was attending, they were not in the same group.

On the first day, they reported to us that at recreational swim time they had played together along with the friend of my daughter (who also is friends with my son). The next day, apparently the two girls “fought” over playing with him. But by the time the two weeks were concluding, each was playing with their own friends at swim time, and enjoying their own activities. This week begins a new challenge, with our twins attending separate camps at totally different locations. Each of them does not know anyone at the camp (although my daughter did recognize a few faces from her school). She, unfortunately, fell ill on the first day, so her experience is difficult to gage at this point. My son really enjoyed himself, and I had no trouble dropping him off in the morning. He seems like me in the sense that he picks activities he enjoys and he will make friends through the activities. Perhaps this is just a guy thing. My daughter makes friends very easily, but takes some time to warm up to new situations, and so is more secure when she knows someone, but not necessarily her brother. She takes after my wife. One thing that helps in this case, is that the location of the camp is at the dance school she attends, so she is already familiar with it.

At this point, both my wife and I feel that our kids are ready for the classroom separation. The first week off from school, and prior to camp, when they were constantly at each other was further evidence of this! The first camp session went very well and it actually mimics what school will be like, with the school bus ride being replaced by before and after school care, and swimming being replaced by recess. If they can handle being at different camps, there will be little doubt left...not that there is much now, that they will be fine once September and school arrives.

Each Parent Taking Time with a Twin

A few months back I had an article published in Twins Magazine about making individual time with each twin. This is also one of the chapters in my book. One idea I suggested was taking each child on errands with a different parent.

Today, this plan worked to perfection. Now it certainly helps that we are both currently off work, and so I spent a few hours with our son, and my wife did the same with our daughter. My wife was going for a pedicure, and so taking my six year old girl along was not a difficult decision. She has gone with her before. My daughter plays on her Leappad while she waits her turn, and afterwards my wife took her out for an edible treat. It was a little more tricky with my son.

You see our errands involved shopping, although two out of the three stops were specifically things for him. My son very much dislikes shopping. We also had to pick up a few food items. So in order to make the outing more appealing (for both him and me) I decided that we would also go for lunch at our favourite family eatery. I really enjoy having a meal or a treat with just one child (although helping him across a small table is more challenging than when my wife and I each sit with a child). We had a really good time together, and he cooperated extremely well for all the shopping, and was very helpful.

With twins, these times out with just my son or daughter less than I would like, so when they occur I cherish them. I hope that I can have a few hours with just my daughter soon, although I think it might be something diffferent than a pedicure. I did, however, recently bake with her using her easy bake oven, which was a lot of fun too!

For more from my twins parenting blog go to .http://atwinsdad.blogspot.ca

Camp Will Be a Good Test

So our twins finally know that they will not be in the same class next year. They are going to a new school for grade one and the school is unable to keep them together. There are several sets of twins and triplets in kindergarten alone! The principal, however, to her credit has made sure that they are in classrooms that are next to each other, and in the same "pod." We had requested this if they were not together.

So in preparation for the move to the new school, my wife and the kids went on a tour of the school, and each child was shown "their own" classroom. We hadn't actually told them yet that they would be separated because nothing is official until it actually happens. But also, because we hope that camp will be a good test for daily separation. They have done lots of programs separately from each other, but have always been in the same class or day care room.

Since we have always had to secure their day care spots during the summer, this will be the first time that they will be at camp. At first they will be at the same camp, but different cabin groups as boys and girls are separate. However, they will travel on the same bus back and forth and will know at least a couple of kids on the bus. My daughter will also have a friend from the school we are leaving in her group. Then our twins go to different specialty camps and we have to transport them to different locations. Neither know of any friends attending, so they will have to make new ones.

I am thinking that this should be a good test for their separation, and it couldn't come at a better time. And any how, as a teacher I am quite aware of the inherent resiliency of children. School class separation at this point is probably the best for them, and so camp will be the perfect preliminary for the main event in September.

My Book "Twice Blessed: A Parent's Guide to Twins" is Now Available!

I started writing this blog and some magazine articles about two years ago. When I started this blog, it was really just to post parts of the articles that I had published, and occasionally I added a thought here or there when something came to mind, that would be not be suitable for an article. But after several articles were published in both Twins Magazine and the Bulletwin, along with a couple in other publications, my wife urged me to turn the articles into a book. I agreed, as long as she provided the photos to go along with it. It had to be a team effort. Well, the book got written, and her photos were added, and it is now finally available to the general public. It is entitled Twice Blessed: A Parent's Guide to Twins and is currently available through Bookstand Publishing (in pdf and paperback), Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and Indigo.ca. It is also available in most online book retailers and in e-reader format for Kindle, Nook, and Kobo. For more information, you can either go to my website (unless you just came from there) at www.twiceblessedguidetotwins.com and/or "Like" my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/twiceblessedguidetotwins. The website and the Facebook page will update you on the book's availability. I hope you read the book and find it both helpful and enjoyable.

Cottage Resorts are Great for Twins

Recently, there have been a few postings on the Toronto Parents of Multiple Births Association (TPOMBA) Facebook page about how to prepare for taking their twins to the cottage, and even whether or not to do so. We have been doing this since our now six year old twins were 15 months old (and were still crawling!) We do not have our own cottage, but instead of renting someone else's, we discovered how great a cottage resort can be for kids, including twins. A cottage resort is a vacation resort that is usually located on a lake, and has several self-catering cottages along with other facilities, and equipment for use of the guests. There could be as few as a half dozen cottages up to about 30, and they range from one-bedrooms to four-bedrooms usually. Most will be of the two or three bedroom variety. My home province of Ontario has many of these and a good place to research them is at Resorts Ontario and their website. My wife and I have stayed at a few different ones in Ontario, both before and since we had kids. The one that we have settled on for the past four years is called Beauview Cottage Resort, located near Huntsville, Ontario on the beautiful Lake of Bays. It is run by a lovely couple, Gord and Nancy Bell, and has only six cottages. We stay in a two-bedroom cottage. There is a full kitchen, a full bathroom, a satelite television, a fireplace and a deck with a barbecue. Some of the other cottages have an outside hot tub, but ours has a jacuzzi tub in the master bedroom. Every year we go, Gord takes out furniture that we don't want and provides us with bed rails. You won't get this kind of service or help from an absentee cottage owner. There are so many things to do at Beauview, and other resorts too. But Beauview is particularly good for the really young kids. There is not much of a natural beach but Gord and Nancy bring in two giant piles of sand for the kids to play in, one in the playground and another at the water. He also provides many sand toys to play with. There are lots of other things for the young kiddies including a play kitchen and a fort. Gord usually places the play kitchen and some toys next to our cottage for our arrival so that the kids have something to do while we unpack the car. There are pedal boats, row boats, a variety of kayaks, canoes, individual small pedal boats for the little ones, inflated innertubes, water noodles, many life jackets, and even fishing rods for the use of the guests. There is also a variety of sports equipment including frisbee golf. Gord has a motor boat and will take you out for a boat ride on Lake of Bays or the older kids and adults can try water skiing or tubing. For rainy days there is a large selection of DVDs to watch in your cottage. They also will provide you with a parking pass for A|lgonquin Park for the nature lovers out there. The thing to consider is that being at a cottage resort offers you and your twins and other children so many choices. A singular cottage could not have so many things on hand. The cottages are usually smaller but the rates at Beauview and many other cottage resorts are quite reasonable when you consider what your are getting. Some even offer children's programs during the summer. At Beauview Nancy organizes bingo and arts and crafts, and there is also a welcome barbecue for the guests. So if you are considering renting a cottage, think about a cottage resort. It should be a fun and relaxing time for your family. To check out more about Beauview, go to www.beauview.com.

Doing Some Things for Myself for a Change!

There is little doubt that parenting twins is a full time job. It takes a great commitment and effort, and often times, as with any parent, you need to put your children's needs first. With twins, finding any time for yourself, especially when they are younger, and especially if you are working a full-time job, seems next to impossible.

But lately, now that my twins are a bit older, I am making time for myself, and my wife Lisa is doing the same. My writing is something I do because I enjoy it. But writing my articles and/or my blog has been done in short snippets of time, whenever and whereever I can - during my son's hockey practice or daughter's dance class, or after they are in bed, or are playing on the weekends. But scheduled activities are more difficult. My wife has finally been able to return to Pilates, on a weekly basis, at a time that works for us. And now I am returning to play in a slow pitch softball league for the first time since before kids. It is only one night of the week, and the game times are very consistent, which is a big help to a parent of younger children.

I am determined to pursue my main interests, as well as keep up with my friends, while at the same time being the involved father, my wife and kids have come to expect--and that I expect of myself. During the first couple of years or so, having my own interests and finding time for them seemed overwhelming. But know I am doing some things for myself for a change! Yes, it is possible my fellow twin parents!

Twins' Play Dates

Our twins' first friends when they were only about eighteen months old and in day care, were another set of boy / girl twins who are only a few months older. The four kids have continued to be friends ever since that, despite going to different schools. Our daughters go to dance class together, and our sons will be playing baseball on the same team with their dads as co-coaches.

We have had double play dates, whole family visits to each other's homes, and split play dates - the boys go to one house and the girls to the over. Then, the next time we switch. This time it was our turn to host the boys. They almost wore me out last time we hosted them!

But now it seems that due to a scheduling conflict, only the girls will be able to get together. Unfortunately, my daughter just had a play date with a school friend, and my son has been waiting to have one of his own, but it has been difficult pinning one down from the kids' parents. Of course, this is difficult for a six year old to understand, especially when his friends have been inviting him. So my wife spoke to the twins' mom and suggested that it wouldn't be fair to our son if our daughter had another play date by herself. Our friend totally understood (because she has twins of her own) and so we are going to try to coordinate a different get together for the families, even if it is not a full play date. This is definitely a twins issue!

Our Twins' Birthday Party Update

Some of you may have read my recently published article in Twins Magazine. It was about planning birthday parties for twins, and I recounted each of our twins' birthday celebrations for the first few years. In the article, I also mentioned that we were in the midst of planning their 6th birthday party, a combined affair taking place at a trampoline centre. Here is an update on how that went. The party was very successful. Both my son and daughter, and apparently most or all of their attending friends, really enjoyed it! The party consisted of an hour of trampoline time, with fifteen children taking turns on six tramps. There was also a fun performance by the instructors, jumping and flipping over our twins, who were lying on their backs looking at the action above them. I guess that is why they require that all parents sign a waiver for their child. Afterwards, we had some snacks and the birthday cakes. Each of our children chose a theme for their cake as well as the flavour. My son had a chocolate cake decorated with Lego Ninjago. My daughter had a half chocolate / half vanilla cake with Hello Kitty decorations. We sang each of them "Happy Birthday" separately. The snacks included grape kebobs (put together by my wife and mother-in-law), watermelon, cheese strings, pretzels, popcorn, red licorice sticks, and bottled water. It was mid-afternoon so it allowed us to avoid having to serve a full lunch. We brought a marker to label the waters with each child's name. So, as I wrote in the original article, we were once again able to combine our twins' birthday parties. Whether this will happen again next year is anyone's guess. But I wouldn't hesitate to go back to the trampoline centre for a future party.

A Twins Birthday Cake Dilemma

Our twins recently turned six! It is hard to believe that it was six years ago that they were born and have grown to be the great kids they are today. This year we had an added wrinkle to deal with--the Jewish festival of Passover. For those unfamiliar with this holiday, it comemerates the old testament story of the Hebrew slaves' exodus from Egypt following the ten plagues. For eight days, Jewish people and families have to eat only unleavened bread, and grain products made from this. Since the date of the holiday changes with the moon calendar, this was the first year that our twins' birthday landed on Passover. This meant a couple of things. First, we moved their birthday party forward to be on a weekend following Passover. No big deal here. Then we had to decide what to do about celebrating their birthday with their grandparents and decided to do so during the first seder, just before their actual birthday. We went to buy a Passover cake from a local grocery store and discovered that they actually made customized birthday cakes for the holiday. But due to the high cost and not needing so much cake, we opted for one round cake. We were told it could be decorated in two different colours for each half and have flowers for my daugter and balloons for my son along with their name on each side. We usually have two cakes but the kids were fine with the one to share as long as each had what they wanted on it. They even agreed to have one layer be chocolate and the other vanilla. Unfortunately, when we got the cake, the store had not decorated it as two halves, but used the colours in layers and placed the flowers and balloons more randomly. We hoped our twin son and daughter would not be disappointed and luckily they weren't. We got candles with the letters of each of their names and they blew out these together, which again was fine with them. But as a tradition in our family, we sang each of them happy birthday individually. Even on their actual birthday, I baked Passover brownies with them, and when it came time to lighting candles and singing happy birthday (twice again), we asked whether they wanted the brownie cut in two separate halves or kept as one. Our twins again chose to share the brownie. This time we did light number six candles separately, so at least they got to do that. They were really good about the whole thing, and it taught me that they still really enjoy and appreciate celebrating their birthday together. I hope this continues for many years to come!

My Article on Disney World in Real Family Travel Magazine

     In the March, 2013 issue of Real Family Travel Magazine, an article I wrote was published.  It is entitled

"Taking Young Children to Disney World:  It is All in the Planning."  My wife Lisa did all the

great photography, except for the article's cover photo (I have no idea where they got that from).  In order

to read the magazine you need to follow the link below and then enter the password USA-mar-1303.


http://realfamilytravel.com/march-2013-issue-8kif3x

Let me know what you think of the article.  If you like the issue, you could subscribe to the magazine either

on the Ipad or the digital version.

The Twins School Decision

            I am writing this in order to sort through a decision my wife and I will be making with regards to our twins attending a new school next year.  You see our boy and girl are now attending kindergarten, but not at their home school, due to their daycare situation.  Next year, they will be going to our home public school.  When they entered kindergarten, we requested that they be together, and this was granted, especially considering the fact that we were only going to be in the school for two years. 

            Now they will be in their new school, and even though we had been thinking that we would separate them in grade one, we are starting to ponder whether requesting that they be together for one more year might make the most sense.  At a recent parent-teacher interview, we were told that not only do they not play together, but they have totally different interests and largely different friends in the classroom.  They do often walk in to class together, occasionally even holding each other’s hand, but they are clearly individuals after that.  We have always felt that as twins they are more comfortable when the other one is there, but not dependent on him or her.  Their teacher even volunteered that it might be a good idea for them to be together again next year, since they were going to a new school.         

            If they were still at their current school, we would undoubtedly separate them, because we think they should be able to handle it, and long term we feel that being in separate classrooms is better for them.  It certainly takes away the comparing of them, which is only human nature for the teacher.  But since they have been no trouble and are clearly independent of each other in both school and the classroom, having one more year together in the same classroom while adjusting to a new school (and a full day of class rather than just a morning or afternoon) would be helpful to them. 

            Even if we do make the request, the school administration may turn us down, for whatever reason, valid or not.  But my wife and I need to sort what we want to do first, and I think I am leaning towards one more year together, if possible.

Preparing for Twins: Classes

I highly recommend taking a class or classes, even if you have already had singleton children.  However, finding a class that caters specifically to twins or multiples in your area may be difficult.  Check with your local Parents of Multiples group to find out if they are aware of any such classes.  I think we heard about the class at Becoming Maternity in Toronto from a friend.  We also attended a general child birth class offered at our hospital and facilitated by a retired nurse.  It offered a tour, which was useful and reassuring, but was catered to singleton births with very little information specifically for twins or multiples.  I understand, however, that some hospitals, particularly those specializing in multiple births, do offer a twins or multiples specific class and tour.

The class at Becoming Maternity was excellent.  It was instructed by a practising labour and delivery unit nurse and was three consecutive Saturday afternoons.  There was only one orher couple with Lisa and me in the class, and so the attention and help we got was tremendous.  She told us exactly what to expect during the pregnancy, including what would happen if they were born extremely premature, and then what to expect at the hospital.  This was the first time I was aware that the two babies would almost immediately be given to me, if it was a natural birth.

The other thing that I recall vividly was learning how to swaddle a baby.  I had never even heard of swaddling before but I got pretty good at it.  For those uninitiated like me, swaddling is way of tightly wrapping the baby in a blanket to keep it warm.  A few months after Josh and Abby were born, Lisa told me that they had outgrown swaddling.  I was quite disappointed because it was one aspect of fatherhood I thought I had perfected.  At these classes we learned about many aspects of giving birth and the first few months of raising twins, including the hows and whys of breast feeding, and about doulas.  A doula is a postpartum mother's helper, particularly at night to help the mother get more rest, and/or at the hosptial working as a birthing coach. 
I highly recommend taking such a class if one is available in your hometown area or at the hospital.

Timbits Hockey on an Outdoor Rink

I had to write today about watching my son play Timbits hockey on an outdoor rink.  We were only told this past weekend that the Tony Roman Houseleague Tournament game would be moved to the Markham Civic Centre's outdoor rink and the two side-by Mini Mites division games (for four to six year olds) would be part of the opening ceremonies.  Then the cold spell that has rocked the Eastern part of the US and Canada hit and I was concerned all week that it would be bitterly cold for all the little future Sidney Crosbys, including my son. 

But it turned out to be an excellent day, not too cold and very sunny.  The enthusiasm of the players and the parents and grandparents watching added to the atmosphere.  Outdoor games are so rare nowadays, and due to the NHL's Winter Classic, they have seemingly become "special events."  For my son's first ever real game to be on an outside rink without real boards was something I would never have anticipated.  And now that it is over I will always have fond memories of it.  I hope that my son does too! 

Not that I really care about anything other than that he is having fun, but the fact that he nearly scored twice was extra exciting.  He said the goalie saved his best attempt but, in fact, if an actual goal line had been painted on the ice, it probably would have been past it, when the goalie actually saved it.  Since the score was kept officially but not publicized, and there were no face offs at centre ice except for shift changes, I don't know whether it was counted as a goal or not. My son certainly didn't seem to be bothered by it, which makes me even more proud of him.

I know this blog is about raising twins, so I will finish this entry by mentioning that his twin sister (and his mother) did attend the game to cheer him on...and enjoyed a chocolate Timbit to eat.  By the way, for those that are not familiar with Tim Horton's, a Canadian coffee and fast food super franchise, a Timbit is what the rest of the world calls a doughnut hole...or a very young hockey or soccer player!

Preparing for Twins: Getting the News

          It was in mid-August.  I had been attending a professional summer workshop for teachers and walked through the front door of our home just north of Toronto that afternoon.  There it was.  A hand written sign: Welcome Home Daddy!  My reaction was to yell G-d’s name in vain several times!  I was going to be a father and was both surprised and extremely excited!  But the news was only going to become bigger....at least in numbers. 

Perhaps, looking back, I shouldn't have been so surprised.  In a story I have repeated often over the years, while we were engaged we attended a dinner at a retreat which had entertainers coming by to each table.  My wife was having her fortune told by a tarot card reader and was asked the question, “Do you have twins in your family?”  I was listening and chuckled at this until my wife said, “Yes.  Why?”  We were then told that she would eventually have twin boys.  I still found the whole thing ridiculous, but I am not as skeptical today.  The tarot card reader was wrong about the boys, because we later found out that we were having a boy and a girl.

            There are quite a few things to consider while preparing for your twins, and the most important one is on the woman’s shoulders – keeping the fetus’ healthy.  Twins have much higher rate of being born early which can lead to birth defects, and also a higher rate of miscarriage.  So eating healthy, getting lots of rest, getting to all those medical appointments, taking the battery of tests throughout the pregnancy relies heavily on your wife and/or partner.  But dads can help significantly by attending as many appointments and ultrasounds as possible, being supportive both in words and actions, and doing as much as you can to get ready for your twins when they arrive.  My own experiences along with some others may help the dads reading this better understanding of how to help their wife and/or partner get through the sometimes challenging twins pregnancy.  And quite a bit of this applies to the moms too!

My next few posts will deal specifically with the issues we dealt with during the pregnancy as we prepared for our twins arrival.

Links to My Online Family Travel Articles

I usually write about parenting and raising twins, but occasionally about family travel.  I have been meaning to post links to a couple of the family travel articles that have been published and are available online.  My wife Lisa provided the excellent photographs for both articles.  So here they are.  Please check them out and let me know what you think.


Taking Young Children to Disney World: It's All in the Planning http://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/families/index.php/travel/are-we-there-yet/1193-disneyworld-young-children-plan.html

Niagara Falls: A Great Family Getaway in Winter
http://www.greatfamilyvacationdestinations.com/travel/getaways/2219-niagra-fall-winter

The Niagara Falls article was edited and republished (without Lisa's photos :-(  ) in the Hamilton/Halton and Niagara editions of City Parent, a southern Ontario parenting magazine.  The Niagara edition was its inaugral one.

http://edition.pagesuite-professional.co.uk//launch.aspx?eid=76b004ed-fd71-4283-803c-14f243cf556b